The decline of Western Civilization
If you thought the cliquey, bitchy teenagers in the Mean Girls film starring Lindsay Lohan were bad, then say hello to their parents. Alpha mothers and fathers have suddenly found themselves in the spotlight.
Rosalind Wiseman, author of the non-fiction book behind the Lohan film, has written a sequel, Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads, about those who terrorise other parents at school by preying on fears of social inadequacy and sorting them into the “in” and “out” crowd.
“We don’t leave cliques or peer pressure behind when we grow up or when we become parents,” she said. “We just graduate to a new level with adults now playing the roles.”
Film rights to the book, to be published in Britain in June, have been sold to Paramount. Snooty alpha mothers are also the subject of a much admired television sitcom, The New Adventures of Old Christine, starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jerry Seinfeld’s former sidekick.
Louis-Dreyfus plays a divorced single mother who is patronised by the blonde, pastel-wearing tigresses who run the school committees and the gossip networks. When her ex-husband is spotted kissing his new girlfriend, one of the alpha mothers asks brightly: “Isn’t it hard that she’s so young?”
For Wiseman, who has two children, it is the adults who are not confident of their status in “perfect parent world” who are often the most destructive: “They can be really manipulative because they are so desperate for approval.”
It is a land of perpetual judgment, she believes, in which parents strive to control their children’s choice of friends and how they are treated in class.
Wiseman divides parents of school-age children into social types, such as the Hip Mum, who is so keen to be liked that her children are allowed to transgress every boundary (“Hey, they’re going to drink no matter what so they might as well do it under my roof”); the Best Friend Mum, who boasts at parent-teacher meetings that her daughter tells her everything; and the Tennis Skirt Mum who turns up in a short skirt, immaculately coiffed, and describes herself as “ busy-busy-busy” — at the gym, at lunch and at the nail salon.
There are also the pushy types who say loudly at parent-teacher meetings: “I think I speak for all parents when I say . . . ” but who have never asked those lower down the pecking order for their views. It is a form of bullying, according to Wiseman.
“Parents often see other parents behaving badly and feel they can’t say or do anything about it,” she said. “It brings back all their adolescent fears.”
“Natalie”, a New York mother for whom it would be social death to give her real name, said the school attended by her nine-year-old daughter was full of cliques and alpha mums. In a scene that could have come straight out of the Louis-Dreyfus sitcom, one mother smiled sweetly to another wearing chic Manolo Blahnik shoes: “Do you realise that style went out last year?”
Another mother took her 13-year-old to a plastic surgeon: “She insisted her daughter got a nose job because she had to look a certain way.”
The alpha mothers who run the school groups can be the most obnoxious, said Natalie. “They get themselves elected to president of this or that and try to get you to do all the footwork,” she said. She was asked to write a fundraising letter for local businesses which was then signed by the domineering committee chairwoman.
When Natalie suggested that her own name should be on the letter, two other mothers rebuked her: “They demanded to know why I was being so needy about wanting the glory. It was all about the kids, they said, so I should put my ego aside.”
Wiseman believes that the excuse “it’s all about the kids” justifies appalling behaviour, including defending misconduct and rule-breaking by one’s child: “It’s partly because we love our children that there’s no room for mediocrity or failure. They have to have a constant string of successes.
“If you have behaved really badly you can look in the mirror and say, ‘Oh, I did the best thing for my child’.”
Alpha fathers, such as the Throbbing Vein Dad who screams at the child’s referee, and the Lock Her in a Closet Dad who thinks he can keep his daughter from drugs, alcohol and sex “just by saying no”, do not escape censure in Wiseman’s book. But they have it easy compared with the alpha mothers, she said.
“Mothers do the long-term, nitty-gritty complicated projects, while dads will get up at 7am, do the Christmas tree sale and feel really good about it. They laugh about how superficial the mothers are and get completely off the hook.”
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Take what you will from this story but theres a reason I posted it. I think you can figure out why. Also, todays my 38th b day. Happy B Day to me.
Rosalind Wiseman, author of the non-fiction book behind the Lohan film, has written a sequel, Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads, about those who terrorise other parents at school by preying on fears of social inadequacy and sorting them into the “in” and “out” crowd.
“We don’t leave cliques or peer pressure behind when we grow up or when we become parents,” she said. “We just graduate to a new level with adults now playing the roles.”
Film rights to the book, to be published in Britain in June, have been sold to Paramount. Snooty alpha mothers are also the subject of a much admired television sitcom, The New Adventures of Old Christine, starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jerry Seinfeld’s former sidekick.
Louis-Dreyfus plays a divorced single mother who is patronised by the blonde, pastel-wearing tigresses who run the school committees and the gossip networks. When her ex-husband is spotted kissing his new girlfriend, one of the alpha mothers asks brightly: “Isn’t it hard that she’s so young?”
For Wiseman, who has two children, it is the adults who are not confident of their status in “perfect parent world” who are often the most destructive: “They can be really manipulative because they are so desperate for approval.”
It is a land of perpetual judgment, she believes, in which parents strive to control their children’s choice of friends and how they are treated in class.
Wiseman divides parents of school-age children into social types, such as the Hip Mum, who is so keen to be liked that her children are allowed to transgress every boundary (“Hey, they’re going to drink no matter what so they might as well do it under my roof”); the Best Friend Mum, who boasts at parent-teacher meetings that her daughter tells her everything; and the Tennis Skirt Mum who turns up in a short skirt, immaculately coiffed, and describes herself as “ busy-busy-busy” — at the gym, at lunch and at the nail salon.
There are also the pushy types who say loudly at parent-teacher meetings: “I think I speak for all parents when I say . . . ” but who have never asked those lower down the pecking order for their views. It is a form of bullying, according to Wiseman.
“Parents often see other parents behaving badly and feel they can’t say or do anything about it,” she said. “It brings back all their adolescent fears.”
“Natalie”, a New York mother for whom it would be social death to give her real name, said the school attended by her nine-year-old daughter was full of cliques and alpha mums. In a scene that could have come straight out of the Louis-Dreyfus sitcom, one mother smiled sweetly to another wearing chic Manolo Blahnik shoes: “Do you realise that style went out last year?”
Another mother took her 13-year-old to a plastic surgeon: “She insisted her daughter got a nose job because she had to look a certain way.”
The alpha mothers who run the school groups can be the most obnoxious, said Natalie. “They get themselves elected to president of this or that and try to get you to do all the footwork,” she said. She was asked to write a fundraising letter for local businesses which was then signed by the domineering committee chairwoman.
When Natalie suggested that her own name should be on the letter, two other mothers rebuked her: “They demanded to know why I was being so needy about wanting the glory. It was all about the kids, they said, so I should put my ego aside.”
Wiseman believes that the excuse “it’s all about the kids” justifies appalling behaviour, including defending misconduct and rule-breaking by one’s child: “It’s partly because we love our children that there’s no room for mediocrity or failure. They have to have a constant string of successes.
“If you have behaved really badly you can look in the mirror and say, ‘Oh, I did the best thing for my child’.”
Alpha fathers, such as the Throbbing Vein Dad who screams at the child’s referee, and the Lock Her in a Closet Dad who thinks he can keep his daughter from drugs, alcohol and sex “just by saying no”, do not escape censure in Wiseman’s book. But they have it easy compared with the alpha mothers, she said.
“Mothers do the long-term, nitty-gritty complicated projects, while dads will get up at 7am, do the Christmas tree sale and feel really good about it. They laugh about how superficial the mothers are and get completely off the hook.”
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Take what you will from this story but theres a reason I posted it. I think you can figure out why. Also, todays my 38th b day. Happy B Day to me.
posted by Bludlust at 6:36 AM
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